Imoansnj’s Weblog

I try to be optimistic,

but sometimes it doesnt help.

I dont even know what i feel anymore.

Theres some good moments,

but theres also bad ones.

The hurt is still here even though I hide it.

Though the heart beats it aches.

Why did you ever give me these cursed feelings?…

I would have rather never loved at all,

than to feel this way and hurt so bad.

What was the point? if this was to happen?

…To love someone, but cant be with them!

I wanna run away ,but that wouldnt help.

Shoot me. so it would stop.

Turn goth. so I wouldnt be emo anymore.

Im dying.

literally.

physically

and emotionally.

depressed and confused.

Why Why Why

I just wanna turn back the clock and rewind…please

Drounding in my thoughts and tears;

reality is becoming my fear.

When will this all end?

When will friendship begin?

Past mistakes become todays regret.

Standing still while the days pass,

and kiss those promises goodbye

or mybe just goodnight.

It suddenly clicked…

God is stripping the world and taking me out of it.  I was giving everything else but, him the Glory.  He is taking me away, from what was holding me back.  So, that he can be seen.  He is reteaching me how to glorify him.  He is revealing to me how to do this, in a different way.  So, that he can have a deep relationship with me.  Before I can go out and do his work and fulfill his plan for me in my life.  I must focus on God and God alone.  This is what he wanted all along but, I was to consumed with what I wanted.  I know God gives us the desires of our heart because he put those there.  So, I know what he put there is not in vain.  I must wait for his timing.  Then and then only will this happen.  Until then I must focus on him and he will guide the way.

The worst pain that can be conflicted is…the pain of a heart.

I never knew it would feel like this;

for someone that you would now miss.

An ache and longing you cant control;

a burning emotional feeling deep within the soul.

Thinking of you and want you near,

but having to part with someone you love and hold dear.

Loving soo hard your willing to let go.

But Im giving it to God cuz its all in his will.