Imoansnj’s Weblog

I love first, because there always the best.

Its like going and exploring the unknown.

excited and nervous

timid and shy

Never sure of the outcome but,willing to to try

Its part of your journey.

Its part of your life.

You’ll only have one first for everthing,

then its gone…

Those are the memorys that stay with you.

I try to be optimistic,

but sometimes it doesnt help.

I dont even know what i feel anymore.

Theres some good moments,

but theres also bad ones.

The hurt is still here even though I hide it.

Though the heart beats it aches.

Why did you ever give me these cursed feelings?…

I would have rather never loved at all,

than to feel this way and hurt so bad.

What was the point? if this was to happen?

…To love someone, but cant be with them!

I wanna run away ,but that wouldnt help.

Shoot me. so it would stop.

Turn goth. so I wouldnt be emo anymore.

Im dying.

literally.

physically

and emotionally.

depressed and confused.

Why Why Why

I just wanna turn back the clock and rewind…please

Drounding in my thoughts and tears;

reality is becoming my fear.

When will this all end?

When will friendship begin?

Past mistakes become todays regret.

Standing still while the days pass,

and kiss those promises goodbye

or mybe just goodnight.

It suddenly clicked…

God is stripping the world and taking me out of it.  I was giving everything else but, him the Glory.  He is taking me away, from what was holding me back.  So, that he can be seen.  He is reteaching me how to glorify him.  He is revealing to me how to do this, in a different way.  So, that he can have a deep relationship with me.  Before I can go out and do his work and fulfill his plan for me in my life.  I must focus on God and God alone.  This is what he wanted all along but, I was to consumed with what I wanted.  I know God gives us the desires of our heart because he put those there.  So, I know what he put there is not in vain.  I must wait for his timing.  Then and then only will this happen.  Until then I must focus on him and he will guide the way.

The worst pain that can be conflicted is…the pain of a heart.

I never knew it would feel like this;

for someone that you would now miss.

An ache and longing you cant control;

a burning emotional feeling deep within the soul.

Thinking of you and want you near,

but having to part with someone you love and hold dear.

Loving soo hard your willing to let go.

But Im giving it to God cuz its all in his will.

I remember when…

She fell off the dock!

When  we were bored we would have mud fights,

and chase each other around.

Everyday we’d go to the campground,

diving and jumping in pools all summer round.

talking of what ifs???

,but if she jumped, i would too.

Innocent little prank calls we’d make,

pretending it all for each others sake.

Nieve yet blissfull.

Crazy yet tame.

Shes always the best it will never change.

“All Natural”, we’d say over and over all day!

We’ve been through so much, but were okay.

L4L, we’ll always be, no matter the the distance.

I’ll always remember the smell of those dog biscuits!

That was the year we loved tan lines and the twins!

Riding in our Golf Cart till days end.

Being chaised by white trucks,

it was just our luck!

Burnt cheeks and noses.

Dripping wet from hoses!!

That Indian was always checking us out,

but who could blame him.

That was a fun summer no doubt.

Surprise me with something new!

Tempt me with something clever.

Show me whats not yet been seen.

It’s always the same with you.

I want to expect the unthinkable.

Can you whisper to me all your secrets?

Swim with me in the deepest waters,

Never trying to keep it safe!

Decorate my mind with with new shades and colors.

Amuse me in a loving way.

Learning it all as we grow!

Just dip your toes in.

Its okay, jump in!

Temptation thinkens,

The pressures hard.

It seems so fun, untill its all over and done

No turning back now

The addiction begins.

I hold my breathe….

and let it out.

My body tingles,

My surroundings shake.

red eyes come, red eyes go.

Never feeling quite like myself.

Almost drowning now!

Who would have ever thought?

I get so mad,

I get so sad.

I don’t know what my days have 2 bring.

My innocence has gone,

Everythings happened o so wrong.

It never seems to go my way.

From here on out theres been many rainy days.

When will it end?

Everything fades,

My visions blurred, 

Nowhere to go,

Nowhere to hide.

I just wanna b free

and clam my liberty.